[re-syndicated from wsj.com]

By Sue Shellenbarger

Associated Press

Most times when I try to teach my children something – how to mow the lawn, do a budget or clean a toilet – I feel as if I have a positive or at least a neutral effect – with one big exception.

When I have tried to tutor my children in school, or simply help with homework, I often feel like Typhoid Mary. In most cases I have managed only to confuse them.

As the school year revs up, many parents are now trying to figure out how best to help their kids academically. More parents are trying to tutor their kids at ever-younger ages, as pressures mount for even the youngest children to perform well in school. Based on my e-mail, though, tutoring is no slam-dunk for parents; many puzzle over how they can wield deep professional skills at work, yet fail so completely at tutoring their children in related skills at home.

Studies on the value of parent tutoring for elementary-age children yield mixed results, as shown here and here.

For older students, say Duke University researchers Nancy Hill and Diana Tyson in a recently published study, parental tutoring is linked to worse performance in school. By middle school, the researchers say, students may see parents’ attempts to help as interference or pressure. Parents often confuse students by presenting material in different ways than teachers. Also, parents may not dive in to help until a student is already in trouble, and the students know that, reinforcing their discouragement.

Parents who are anxious about school or test performance can easily infect their kids with the same angst. One mother I interviewed, who started a professional tutoring service helping students prepare for the SAT and ACT, says she spends a lot of time undoing the anxiety and confusion caused by parents who try first to tutor their kids themselves.

If do-it-yourself tutoring is your only option, confer with teachers and brush up your skills before you begin, experts say. Don’t make the mistake I did – trying to figure out your kids’ homework while working side-by-side with them. Working with my stepdaughter on her algebra homework years ago, I found her assignments so baffling that I had to give up in frustration. And my son and I halted our junior-high algebra sessions years ago, after several meltdowns. He’s been doing great ever since – with no help whatsoever from me. I have watched in joy and relief as he has surpassed me in math, both in grades and the difficulty of his courses.

Readers, what has been your experience tutoring your own children? Have you found ways to make the sessions work?